Ordinarily I wouldn’t want my private life splashed across social media and I am not one to rant, rave and post on the likes of Facebook or Instagram, aside from the odd cat photo or gushing tribute to my loving husband, but we have been harbouring our own heartache and are currently undergoing IVF. Having been ‘lucky’ enough to an entitlement of two ‘free’ NHS rounds, both failed attempts, we now face the uncertainty of having to seek private help.
Anyone who is experiencing this or has undergone IVF will know that it impacts hugely on personal, social and work life. It’s often a ‘secret’ that no one but the individual / couple involved share. The time it takes, the drugs involved and the end result is an emotional rollercoaster. The not knowing and waiting for each stage is unbearable and the feeling of uselessness is overwhelming. You try to stay positive but the realistic chances of success narrows as your age increases and the longer you are in treatment, the more it damages you, knowing that the time before didn’t work and the hope that this time it will work is a balancing act of emotions.
There is one statement that I struggle to keep my cool with:
- I’m sure it’ll work this time. This is normally from someone who means well but has no idea and that’s fine, why would they, but please don’t say this. It’s hard enough already without hearing this.
I am all for positive vibes but the amount of crap on the Internet is outrageous. Before you know it, what you originally Googled, turns into an hour of streaming through websites and chat threads that mean nothing just hoping for a grasp at something positive. Every symptom means a Google search until you are convinced you are pregnant or in with a chance of being pregnant. How cruel the female body is to trick you into thinking that your imminent menstrual cycle gives you the same symptoms. My advice, stay away from the search engines. Easier said than done. Nearly three years down the line my own advice has never been taken.
For some reason during this journey everything, and I mean everything baby related starts appearing on your internet searches, on TV programmes, on the adverts during said TV programmes and everyone seems to be pregnant. It’s a never-ending feeling of maybe one day it’ll be us and if not then we’re making you feel ten time worse for making you see this everyday.
If I can offer any advice it’s to talk your way through your journey. Everyone who goes through this has a different experience and the more it’s spoken about the more you can shift the burden and people around you can understand. There are days when I am awful to my husband and there are days when I can’t bear to be away from him. Equally my heart breaks for him. He tries to be as strong as possible for me but he is my number one priority and for any couple it is with the upmost importance that you are a team and neither one nor the other takes priority. It is an equal experience and one that differs but the end goal is the same.
The next stage is a few months away for us while I give my body time to be drug free and recover and for us to also save the thousands of pounds we need to go private so for the next few weeks I will drink wine, eat whatever I want and live life as happily as possible.